Counseling for Contentment Blog

Dear Marie….


Dear Marie,

I have noticed that my husband and I are always getting stuck in the same sorts of arguments – they always end with me being upset and angry and my husband shutting down and leaving the scene.  I feel like we’re going around in circles doing the same dance – stepping on each others toes and never getting it right.  Help!

Sincerely,

Stuck in the same old dance!

Dear Stuck in the same old dance,

I’m glad you reached out to ask some advice about how to change your “dance” – it’s the first step towards feeling better. Read the rest of this entry »


ADHD and It’s Impact On Families

December 21st, 2010 | Posted in General | Comments Off

I have decided to devote this posting to the topic of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) because of the impact I have seen on the clients I serve and the value in providing education, guidance and resources. You may already know the impact of ADHD in your life or if you don’t, you may be interested in finding out more because of a relative, co-worker or friend.  I hope this information will be helpful and that you’ll share it with someone that could benefit.  A wonderful website to access information about ADHD and other mental health issues is the National Institute of Mental Health. Read the rest of this entry »


Being The “Eye of the Hurricane” – Calm, Cool and Collected!


The laundry is piling up, dishes have to be done, your 2 year old needs a diaper change, your 4 year old is demanding your attention and you just realized your 8 year old has been watching TV for over an hour – you are OVERWHELMED, feeling GUILTY, and just want to take shower!  What can you do to remain the “eye of the hurricane” – calm, tranquil, and in-control while NOT neglecting your own needs? This is a never-ending challenge in the world of motherhood. Read the rest of this entry »


Taking A Risk To Blossum

April 14th, 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in General | Comments Off

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin

This quote is one that reminds us of the energy it takes to keep emotions under wraps, resist sharing our own needs and wants and the impact it can have when we don’t address these issues.  When Anais Nin says there is a “risk” to remaining tight inside the bud – what could this mean? What are the risks?  It seems that remaining closed up, not releasing ourselves to share ourselves with others may actually keep us isolated in relationships, unable to connect and feeling lonely, sad and misunderstood.  This can be very painful and leave people feeling unfulfilled.  As well, it can lead to health issues (high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, over-eating, etc.)

But what is the “risk” in blossoming?  Opening up to others and feeling vulnerable and/or dependent could be risky in that you may get hurt, not get your needs met, or be disappointed in others.  These are definite RISKS in opening up.  However, it also allows us to learn about ourselves, how to handle and manage emotions, how to be connected, heard by others and hear what others have to offer.  It is far better to have tried to connect and learned from that, than to not connect at all.

So, take a risk – reach out to another person – share of yourself and face the consequences  – it’ll be well worth the journey.


Creating Circles Of Connection: Support Groups


Getting help can often be a process which takes time and energy and the willingness to accept that you CAN’T DO IT ALONE.  This is sometimes the hardest part of accepting ones’ situation – that in order to feel better, you need the support of others. Read the rest of this entry »


Creating Secure Attachments in Relationships: Know Your Own Barriers


Couple EmbracingYour task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

This is a wonderful quote to think about when you are in a relationship or seeking one.  Often, in my work with couples, I have found that the tension and negative cycle that they get stuck in are really about their underlying feelings – their hurt, shame, or sadness when needs for attachment are not being met and/or when fears about abandonment and loss of the other arise.

In trying to “hide” these underlying feelings, individuals create barriers or shields that stop connection, distract one another from the real issues and protect themselves from difficult feelingsThis, in turn,  creates a sense of isolation and aloneness, exactly the OPPOSITE of what the person really wants.

Read the rest of this entry »


Haiku’s For Love

January 6th, 2010 | Tags: , ,
Posted in Couple/Marital Topics, Finding Contentment, Mindfulness | Comments Off

Couple Embracing With Love

Writing peoms is a wonderful way to express yourself and do so in a more creative way.  Here are some poems about love which I wrote – Enjoy.

Wishing I could say
What I really feel inside
And reach for you now.

If only I could
Tell you how I really feel
Scared – alone – hopeful – loving.

Longing for you now
With fear, sadness, want and hope
Come to me with love.

Connecting – the goal
Understanding fears and wants
Telling all for love.


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