Counseling for Contentment Blog

Transitioning Into Summer With Your Preschooler

March 24th, 2013 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Family Topics, Finding Balance In Living, General, Parenting Questions | Comments Off

Mom & Daughter

Transitions and Your Preschooler

by Elana Benatar, LCSW-C, Associate with Counseling For Contentment LLC

 

As the weather gets warmer, many of us have summer on our minds.  We may have carefree memories of swimming and playing with long days stretching out before us.  Despite the joys and fun activities of summer, this transition can often be quite hard for preschoolers who are used to the regular routine and weekly schedule.   Parents may feel similarly overwhelmed by the increased childcare demands and the need to fill all of these long days with activities for their kids.  Here are some tips for how to ease this transition for yourself and your child. Read the rest of this entry »


Finding Contentment By Taking Control Of Comparisons

February 25th, 2013 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Finding Balance In Living, Finding Contentment, General, Individual Therapy, Self-Esteem | Comments Off

Comparing yourself to others is nothing but bad news…  the only good comparison is comparing yourself against your own potential.
-Unknown

Sad TeenMany people get stuck in comparing themselves to others and feeling that they don’t “measure up”.  This, of course, leads to feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, sadness, anxiety and general dissatisfaction with themselves and their life.  Learning ways to stop comparing yourself to others can benefit you tremendously and can lead to feeling more content with yourself, less envious of others and more focused on what you need to do in your own life, regardless of what others are doing.

Here are some simple steps to try gaining control of “comparison” thoughts:

1.  NOTICE when you are having thoughts that are comparing yourself, your situation or your relationship with others.

2. STOP the thought and re-focus on what it’s saying about yourself.  For example, if you find you are thinking that your friend has a better job, house, or relationship than you do, then you can notice the thought, stop the thought and say to yourself – what is it I really want? Is it really a better house? A better boyfriend or better job?  Or is it a sense of pride in what I do have? A wish to feel more satisfied with life.

3. SET A GOAL FOR YOURSELF – you can be more intentional about seeking ways to feel good about yourself, your accomplishments or your relationship/career/family.  Instead of looking at others’ situations or relationships, take stock of your own and what you want – what is missing, what is going well, what might you do to improve your situation.

Mom & Daughter

4. WORK TOWARDS YOUR GOALS: Once you have a goal of stopping the comparisons, try to appreciate what you do have or how to let go of your negative comparisons.  Make sure to keep that goal in mind and reward yourself with positive thinking and thoughts.

REMEMBER, you are the one in control of your thoughts – no one else.  The more you understand why you compare yourself to others and how to stop them, the more confident you will feel about reaching your goals, being content with yourself and what you do have and learning to live life more fully.

 

 

 


Balancing Is An Art

February 22nd, 2013 | Posted in General | Comments Off

Staying Balanced Is An Art

Staying Balanced Is An Art

Life is a balancing act, just like the picture above shows.

Sometimes we tip one way or the other and feel off balance.

We try to catch ourselves.

We do everything at once and try to create equilibrium.

 As you can see, having a solid, large, firm base helps in getting back into balance.

Without that solid ground, we could keep tipping in one direction and eventually fall over:

collapsing from exhaustion, crumbling with emotions, finding it hard to keep going.

The best advice I can give is to notice when you are starting to tip.

Make adjustments then and there.

Don’t wait until you fall.

It’s a skill worth knowing and it’s a art.


ADHD & The Dangers of Stimulant Abuse

February 20th, 2013 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Family Topics, Individual Therapy, Parenting Questions | Comments Off

adolescentcircleThere has been a lot of concern over the past few years about the increased diagnosis of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Along with an increase in diagnosis comes the increase the in use of stimulant drugs, such as Adderall or Ritalin. Although for many who use a stimulant to treat ADHD, it has been an amazing life-saver, for others, it has become a drug of choice to abuse. Unfortunately, there are many more teenagers and college-age students that don’t have ADHD but use stimulants to help them focus.  Here is a sad but true story of someone who abused stimulants, fooled the psychiatrists and ended up with an abuse problem that led to death.  I hope you will read it, take it seriously, and be careful when going to a psychiatrist to make sure the evaluation is thorough.


Hold Me Tight Relationship Enhancement Workshops

February 20th, 2013 | Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Attachment and Connection, Couple/Marital Topics, General | Comments Off

My colleague, Gail Schumann, LCSW-C, and I recently held a Hold Me Tight Workshop which is based on Sue Johnson’s book, Hold Me Tight. Couple Embracing It was an amazing experience and wonderful for the 3 couples that came. They learned about the new science of love which shows that all humans crave and need connection to others in order to survive. The connection of a loved one is the most important and sustaining one of all, except when things are going wrong. When we feel disconnected, we get scared, feel alone and feel abandoned. This leads to reactions that can turn negative and create a pattern of trying to get our needs met that aren’t productive or healthy, such as withdrawing, criticizing, attacking or giving up. The HMT workshops help couples have important conversations to understand their negative pattern and change it. Here are the seven conversations:

Seven Transforming Conversations:

Recognizing Demon Dialogues—In this first conversation, couples identify negative and destructive remarks in order to get to the root of the problem and figure out what each other is really trying to say.

Finding the Raw Spots—Here, each partner learns to look beyond immediate, impulsive reactions to figure out what raw spots are being hit.Romantic-couple-dancing-in-moonlight_Rachel-NEWCOMB_ref~RNW049_mode~zoom

Revisiting a Rocky Moment—This conversation provides a platform for de-escalating conflict and repairing rifts in a relationship and building emotional safety.

Hold Me Tight—The heart of the program: this conversation moves partners into being more accessible, emotionally responsive, and deeply engaged with each other.

Forgiving Injuries—Injuries may be forgiven but they never disappear. Instead, they need to become integrated into couples’ conversations as demonstrations of renewal and connection. Knowing how to find and offer forgiveness empowers couples to strengthen their bond.

Are You Taking Time For Yourselves?Bonding Through Sex and Touch—Here, couples find how emotional connection creates great sex, and good sex creates deeper emotional connection.

Keeping Your Love Alive—This last conversation is built on the understanding that love is a continual process of losing and finding emotional connection; it asks couples to be deliberate and mindful about maintaining connection.

If you are struggling to feel connected in your marriage, try a Hold Me Tight workshop in your area and start on the road to a healthy, solid attachment to your loved one.


The “Good-Enough” Marriage

November 10th, 2012 | Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Attachment and Connection, Couple/Marital Topics, General | Comments Off

Being married can be so a wonderful thing in ones life.  AND most people who are married (or in a long-term relationship) know that there are many difficult times to navigate: times of disconnection, frustration, lack of support, managing a stressful time with children, a job or ones older parents. No matter what the reason that that a marriage is struggling, remembering that it will never be “perfect” can help to bring some reality to the situation. Here is a wonderful article that provides some questions to think about regarding your relationship.


Helping Children Manage Their Fears

November 10th, 2012 | Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Attachment and Connection, Family Topics, Parenting Questions | Comments Off

Helping children manage their worries is so important so that they can have the tools to manage life’s multiple stressors as adults. Read this article to find out more about what you can do to help them manage their fears:


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